All sucks!

Many people have seen this video from the dark ages where two women are talking about tampons and how much better iPad is. Now it turns out that Apple finally brought one into their stores! This iz the greatezt inventzion of mankind!!

If you have not realized already then this web site is called All Sucks and I'm not being serious. Yup.. here I said it! It seems that some people visiting this web site still have a problem understanding this. Now check out this sketch by MadTV:

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So lets talk about iPad "The Greatezt invetzion of mankind!" Turns out this device is not actually made for women who have periods. It is not so called iTampon that was Twitter's top 10 trending topic by the way. It is actually a "netbook killer" according to Steve Jobs and also umm.. piece of garbage apparently! You can already see Apple fanboys raving everywhere how great it is even though they haven't even heard about the good part - its features. Seriously.. Apple fanboys suck, they suck harder than this stupid device! There is no doubt that if this device really was going to be a replacement for tampon these fanboys would be probably lined up to buy these for their girlfriend. Because spending lot of money on stupid worthless shit is a sure way to show that you are cool since middle ages.

This device that is supposed to be a netbook killer comes with really interesting features:

1. It doesn't do anything you want

Yes there are no more points. I could list all kinds of problems with it like being only limited to software in App Store(free software disappears, good stuff is paid, there is censoring etc) or being locked down to only one network or to memory cards that nobody uses. If you are still not convinced since you are such a Apple fanboy then you might also want to know that you can't watch your faggy friends fanboy videos about how cool they are with their new iPad aka iTampon because it doesn't play flash! Yes, no Youtube for you or any of those other trendy web bling-blings you faggots send to each other. So besides being limited to a shitty network you also are limited to.. umm watching photos and reading with it? Oh right this device can't also multitask, so you can't listen to music and watch photos of cute bunnies with it at the same time for example. This surely can't be hip for all the trendy people of today.. ugh.. reading, seriously?! Didn't Amazon already do something like this anyway with Kindle but didn't actually name their product electronic maxipad?

Oh and about that - Although Jobs apparently said that iPad is supposed to compete with notebooks you can pretty quickly tell that this isn't so. Smarter Apple fanboys are trying to protect this garbage by saying that it is supposed to be for reading books and stuff. So... why do I need this again? For what it costs I could get a Kindle and a netbook. Even though Jobs doesn't want to mention that this device was supposed to be competition for Kindle then this is actually what it really is. He saw a great product and copied it for his fanboys and some of these bright guys even call this iTampon original, brilliant!

Apple product development strategy

But lets try to put all the limitations and other issues why it sucks aside with this abomination for a second. Lets try to see practical reasons for having one but exclude stuff that Kindle already does. Hm wait.. there are none!? Unless you count showing it to your friends and playing around with it for a month max(ipad)imum. Sure Apple stuff is very expensive, everyone knows this, but this has to be the funniest product ever in that sense. I can already see the next step by Apple: "It is iPaper, you can write on it!" Of course for such an amazing invention you will need to shell out at least $500 and $100 extra for amazing iPencile with real iGraphite core!

If you still decide to buy iPad you totally deserve a medal for being little retarded. Yes, you might as well write moron on your forehead. Do you remember this old photo where some idiot was comparing iPhone to a rock? Well it seems that it is time for another comparison:

PS From another perspective if you would like a Kindle that can play videos and computer games you may find it pretty cool. I would still wait until the price drops since right now it is definitely not worth it(The price just sucks so hard!).

As you may know I wrote a piece about the first iPad some time ago and find that as with iPhone it is just hilarious to see the same "development cycle" continue. So here we have these Apple fan boys buying the first iPad because everything Apple makes is awesome right? Instantly they get huge amount of critics and since people have a habit of protecting their decisions these followers start to protect Apple. Maybe they bought iPad and it was piece of crap but they will still protect it since it was quite an investment and they are being attacked and they take it personally.

You see it over and over again but what I find most amusing is that after launching their first version of whatever product Apple always seems like it already has a plan to launch version 2 of the same product. Now if those zealots are protecting the first version of iPad with their last breath even though they might feel inside that it isn't actually that awesome product indeed then it might seem almost natural to buy iPad 2 because.... it has all the previous versions problems fixed!!! Hurray!! What a brilliant concept!

You will never see a Apple fanboy saying "Ok ok... the first version did actually suck but the second version is good" but you'll see many of them buy multiple versions of the same product. Sure there is nothing wrong with buying good products that are practical and useful but since when do people buy computers not because they will help you compute but because they are sexy or cool. These are the same people who will join Greenpeace or some other green movement one year to protest against industry polluting environment just because it is fucking cool and trendy. Then next year they'll buy iPod mini, nano, shuffle and also iPod mega-giga forgetting all about their previous ideals. In fact they might even try to prove how environment friendly Apple is with its manufacturing in China and everything :)

Sure some people like to listen to music and it is not like there haven't been devices for doing just that around for quite some time. What is funny is that when any Apple computer-device(yes I did say that, doesn't sound that sexy anymore?) comes out everyone and their dog buys it. They don't really have any need for it. If you ask them about this then they can't even explain why they need one but they are sure that need to buy it. After few months they barely even remember that they own one though or it will just break which is quite common too.

I have never been able to explain it but I do notice a parallel with fashion. Somebody organizes a huge fashion show or constantly pushes some collection or brand on TV and then suddenly everyone has to get it because it is the latest hot shit and even more when it is so fucking expensive that it is nuts. Then it has to be good.. right? Trends require some behavior or object to be perceived as novel. Note that I said perceived not to be actually novel since most Apple stuff hasn't actually been novel at all. Of course it also has to be easily accessible and perhaps this is why Apple stuff is actually perceived as novel. So what we have this far is a company that makes computers that are easy to use and stupid people perceive it as novel since they don't know anything about computers or why they should own one. BUT because it is SEXY they have to get it and because it is EXPENSIVE they have to get it even more since then they can also brag about it. Often enough these are the same people who come to borrow some money from you to buy food since they spent all their money on crap.

What these people don't seem to get is that computers can't be simple. Sure every software company tries to make their product easy to use but what Apple is doing is oversimplification so that even brain dead could use the device. Because Adobe software series runs on iMac it doesn't make iMac some sort of artists tool. Even funnier is fact that Steve Jobs the head of Apple is actually aligned against Adobe because of Adobe Flash. iPad and all these other gadgets might be useful to few people but for 90% of the owners they are just a stupid toy.

It is a nice piece of furniture but when you ask anyone who does any kind of work with computers they prefer something that actually works and doesn't try to do everything in their own way just because they can. If you are 3D animator for example and Apple made software by their ideals that tried to oversimplify everything then you would be like a pianist who used this software to create sheet music. You might get your 15 minutes of fame but that would be about it because of your shallowness. Imagine dentist who only knows how to drill but not anything else??

So now that we have established that computers aren't simple we should also establish that computers aren't sexy, trendy or anything like that. If you think they are then you are just very easily affected by peer pressure and you would buy a $1000 calculator if somebody designed it shiny looking and clueless people told you that it is the greatest shit ever.

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Exkild reviewing iPad 2

One of the easiest ways to understand typical Apple products consumer is to watch this iPad 2 parody video by Exkild. Actually the video is definitely nicely done and suggested to watch by me but after watching it you should check out the comments below this Youtube video. When 1/3 of the people commenting on the video think that a guy with iMac who did some video editing is actually using real Apple product called iPad 2 then you will understand what is wrong with average consumer. They are clueless - they don't know anything and they don't want to know anything. They basically act like a herd and paradoxically at the same time they all like "spotlight".